Feelings of numbness, disconnect, low motivation, fatigue and low energy to the point of exhaustion, and social withdrawal are all common symptoms that something isn't right in your postnatal experience.

The early weeks you may expect some 'baby blues' as your hormones fluctuate and come down from the 'high' that is giving birth and meeting your new baby. Reality sets in as well as overwhelm and hormones are trying to stabilise in this time.

It is common to be having thoughts of "It's all too hard and that it would be easier just to return to work and let someone else do the parenting" or "I don't know what I am doing" or "I'm too tired to even workout what the baby needs, or my own needs are for that matter." You then have the belief that motherhood shouldn't be this hard or that you should just be built for this, why wasn't it happening for me?

All of these thoughts and beliefs are accurate for the experiences you are facing. It is an adjustment and a massive shift in your identity. A tiny little human demands all of you and you have never had to do this before now. Many mothers I work with describe these exact thoughts and feelings of guilt and shame in thinking this way. I'm sure the mothers that don't tell me these things are having to sit with that shame in isolation. But as Brene Brown puts it, "shame can't survive when it is spoken about. It thrives on secrecy, silence and judgement."

Staying quiet only isolates you further, which is hard to see when you are stuck in this vortex that is all consuming. You will think that you need more rest, more sleep and more time alone to help recuperate. And sometimes that is true. But if you are finding that these symptoms are still around even though it has been weeks and you do still get enough sleep - then you need to look further into what is going on.

What are your behaviours telling you? Are you looking after yourself? Are you eating well, getting out in nature and soaking up the sun? Are you seeing or speaking with family and friends? If the answer is no to these then you are in the downward spiral of perinatal depression.

It can be difficult to know the difference in motherhood because it can be all consuming and sleep deprivation will rob you of any rationality some days. You will lean into these emotions and that is ok.

 Ways to improve perinatal depression when you notice it getting worse:

1. Develop some self-compassion - You are doing the best you can with a baby and no manual.  You are still learning and there is plenty of time to do better and be better for yourself so be kind to yourself.

2. Become aware of those unhelpful thoughts - You can name them and accept that they are there but don't attach any meaning or feeling to them. Or you can challenge them by asking: "Will this thought matter tomorrow, in a week, in a month's time?" or "What would I tell a friend in this situation who was thinking the same thing?"

3. Schedule in small things that you can do for yourself daily - This doesn't have to be something big but can be going for a short walk with baby or solo, having a hot cup of tea in the sun, reading a book, dancing around to an upbeat song - whatever you enjoy. If you feel like you have lost what you enjoy then just, try out a bunch of things (email me if you need a list). You may not find enjoyment initially so you will have to try this for at least 2-3 weeks before you notice any change.

4. Don't avoid things because motivation is lacking - Push through where you can and see your friends, set goals for yourself and reward yourself.

I hope that these small tips are helpful for managing perinatal depression. Remember, that you are not alone in this and that many mums are also struggling, but that we need to talk about these things so that shame and guilt doesn't consume us. Always reach out if I can be helpful with anything or you can always call the support numbers below:

Lifeline on 13 44 34

Beyondblue 1300 22 46 36

PANDA 1300 726 306