5 steps to manage parenting anxiety with your first child

Let’s be real, all first time parents get anxieties.

I can remember the first few days of bring my first born home like it was yesterday. The sudden overwhelm, external family expectations, navigating boundaries with who can visit and for how long - all mixed in with a gorgeous, cuddly little baby.

My husband would probably tell you that I was an emotional wreck. He couldn't say anything to me, in fact no one could, about how I was coping. I spent those first few days, maybe even the first week crying, sleeping, physically recovering, tending to the baby, trying to breastfeed and ultimately placing this high standard on myself of what I “should” be doing.

I remember being distraught over not being able to breastfeed and needing to use bottles, I remember that I was panicked for days about my baby possibly being constipated or that she had colic because she was so upset after feeds and that was all just the beginning.

Physically I was well looked after and tended to - even though some more warning could have been done regarding the C-section, I still got through that much easier than the mental and emotional stuff.

So instead of the advice, "You should sleep when the baby does" and "make sure you breastfeed, because breast is best!" - how about we give mothers some real advice on those early days and how you can manage parenting anxiety.

For me this is what worked in those initial stages, especially because I was also used to working full time and so being at home with a baby felt like I was not being productive (I hope that you find something helpful in here):

1. Get up each morning, sloth around for an hour if you have to, but then have a shower and get dressed. You will feel amazing for spending just 5 minutes looking after yourself in the morning. I used to either do it at a time where my baby would be having her first nap or I would just bring the bassinet/rocker into the bathroom, while I did it. If you have an extra set of hands around, then by all means ask for the additional help just so you can look after yourself.

 2. Of course, sleep when the baby does. Whatever works for you. For me I would either take every nap with the baby (especially in the first 3 months where they haven't really got a sleep pattern) or I would just take one nap so that I had some time for me to binge watch tv, read a book or clean up a bit. Also another tip if you like reading: invest in an e-reader or Kindle so you can read anytime instead of scrolling through your phone. Being mindful that the content you are absorbing through your socials may be contributing to your anxiety.

3. Let go of unrealistic expectations about what you should be doing during your maternity leave. I had all these perceptions that I would have all this time on my hands to read all of the books, write all of the things and I think I even signed up for a course at one point because I didn't feel stimulated enough. Basically, do what you can and try not to be too hard on yourself. You are figuring out how to be a mother and your baby is trying to figure out how to be in the world. Soak up as much of this time together as you can.

4. The first few months are monotonous, and this can feel repetitive and boring - this does not mean that you love your baby any less! It just is a different way of living, and this time will allow you to discover what it means to be actually present and not have a million projects going at once.

5. Remember to breathe when you notice yourself feel overwhelmed and frustrated. When I was doing all of my research into mums and babies, I had read that studies had shown that babies as young as one month old can sense their parents' stress, anxiety, anger and depression. So for some reason that always stuck with me and so I would try really hard to regulate my emotions around my baby with deep, controlled breaths and trying to shift some of my unhelpful thoughts.

I hope that there were some helpful tips to think about here, but please remember that if you feel like these things aren't working or you feel like you need more support, you are more than welcome to book in a free consult, and we can see what more we can do to support you.

You are not alone on this journey, please do not feel any shame or guilt for asking for more help if you need it because we are here to help!